Honest Communication

Angel and I don’t play around too much outside of us.  We had a couple that we would used to play around with from time to time, but that ended recently because they made things too difficult to enjoy.  They were a couple that liked to think they were the ideal couple to portray the lifestyle.  I should also clarify that when I say lifestyle, I mean swinging or swapping as they are not a D/s couple.

Angel and I have been looking for another couple for a while and ideally we would love to find a couple that we can be friends with outside of the bedroom as well as in it.  A couple we can hang out with, go to dinner, sit around a fire, bullshit, that sort of thing.  If it leads to a sexy night, great!  If not, no big deal, we got to hang with friends.  Doesn’t seem to hard, does it?  Apparently its a lot more difficult than I would thought.

Communication is they key to all relationships.  Honesty the lock.  What does that mean?  Honesty holds the relationship together, but communication is the key to unlock it, to finding the honest truth of who you are, what you want, needs, etc.  Communication is fantastic, but without honest communication, everything unravels anyway.  This is just as important in a play relationship.  You need to be honest about what you are actually looking for, what you want, how you want it to be, what your limits are, hard stops, etc.  Once all of those things are honestly communicated and put out on the table, people can really decide if the relationship is what they want.  And yes, it’s all a relationship, even strictly play partners.

I had a play partner who I was a booty call for.  The problem became, that while I was a booty call that she called when it was convenient for her, if I came calling because I wanted to meet up, this was a terrible thing and I was portrayed as desperate.  Well, I have no issues being a booty call, but the issue came in that she was not honest about things.  Let me know what your expectations are.  What you want, don’t want, how you expect things, and then I can decide if that’s for me.  In this instance I decided that’s not what I was looking for so ended that.  Yeah I know, what guy is going to turn that down.  Well in my instance, I get all the sex I need…it’s not about that so for me it doesn’t work.  I’m also a guy that likes to be in control, so in this instance, I didn’t have the control so it was not for me.

Even in the D/s lifestyle, when you are looking for that submissive or dom, honest communication is the key.  If you have ever read Vile’s blog, you have probably read his stories about him looking for his slave before he met Arianna.  He would bluntly put out there what he wanted.  He wanted A, B, C, D.  If they wanted A, B, D but not C, well then they weren’t for him.  He wasn’t willing to settle because he knew it wouldn’t make him happy in the long run.  Honest communication leads to happy.  (Vile, I certainly hope that you don’t mind that I used you as an example)

Finding that good relationship is not easy.  Vanilla, swinging, D/s…in all those lifestyles people are constantly searching for what meets their desires.  Finding someone that meets your desires is hard enough, but finding someone whose desires you also meet makes it twice as tough.  But remember my friends, honest communication.

 

Bringing her to the Edge

Sometimes our sex life can be a little complicated.  Not complicated as in we want different things, or we don’t like having sex, but rather complicated in terms of we have two of our kids living at home and they are both adult aged.  Add that to the fact that its not a large house, the “kids” stay up late, and that adds up to sound problems.

Needless to say, we have sex on very regular basis, but not always the ear shattering, screaming pleasure, skin slapping sex we would like.  And rarely do we get a good D/s scene in because the “kids” always like to knock on the fucking door at the most inopportune time because apparently every question they may have always pops up when I’m balls deep or have Angel completely restrained.  Ugh.  Case in point last night, though we got the knock on the door during aftercare so I’m thankful for that timing.  Oh, and in case you were wondering, the questions was simply if we had any pasta other than whole wheat.  Are you fucking kidding me??

Anyway, that is not the meat of the story, but just told to give background on how I don’t setup scenes very often.  Last night I decided I wanted to make an evening of sensory play, which happens to be one of the things Angel loves.  I used a variety of tools, including flogger, wurtenburg wheel, etc. and ended with a little knife play.  Knife play isn’t a thing I do often, mainly because I want the anticipation to be there.  I want the excitement of when it does come out.  I want the apprehension of me making a mistake and her possibly being cut to weigh on her mind.  Yes, I use a real knife.  So if I use it a lot, it isn’t special, nor as exhilarating.

Once the knife came out and I was using it on her, I had her to the edge of subspace.  During these times when I know she’s close, I check on her mental state often, usually by asking questions and verifying responses.  I asked her a question and when she didn’t respond, I asked her a different question, just in case she wasn’t sure of the right answer.  I saw her mouth open like she wanted to answer, but nothing came out.  At this point I had knew I had to stop before I pushed her mental state beyond where I should.  So I quickly untied her, brought her consciousness back, and cuddled with her on the bed until she came back to a calm place.

During aftercare, she apologized several time for me having to stop on her account.  I told quite plainly” “It’s my job to bring you to that edge of pleasure, pain, and madness, but it’s also my job to realize when you are there and to pull you back before it’s a problem.”

I love finding that edge.  I love bringing her mind and body to that edge.

Lucky with a kinky girl

Sometimes I forget how lucky I am, but every once in a while I hear something that does give me a good reminder.

Today I was listening to the same radio morning show I always listen to on the way to work and the hosts (two guys and a girl) were talking about how Father’s Day went for everyone.  One of the male hosts asked the lady what she got her husband for Father’s Day, then hinted if it was a blow job.  She replied he didn’t get that, or rather didn’t choose that day for his annual one.  She indicated that he gets that one time a year and can choose either his birthday or Father’s Day.

I started thinking about a lot of friends I know and have had throughout the years and all the typical complaints they have had about their wives:  not enough sex, no oral, no anal, no cumming on them, not enough variety, can’t do this, can’t do that, etc.  Then I started thinking about my woman.  She will do anything for me.  ANYthing.  Whatever I want, when I want.  Yes, I’m pretty cognizant of her feelings or mood on a particular evening, but for the most part she things of herself as my toy to use as I see fit.

Frankly, this makes me a pretty lucky guy.  I can fuck as much or as little as I want.  I can get what I crave.  Do the kinky things that other guys just don’t get…all from the comfort of my bedroom.

Punishment – Who does it hurt?

This topic is one that is interesting to me. We’ve all heard parents say: “This is going to hurt me more than it does you.”  Have we ever stopped to think about this from a DS perspective?

Punishment is a necessary function within a DS relationship. It provides structure by giving consequences to a submissive for breaking a rule or not doing what is supposed to be done.   A submissive should want to follow the Doms lead just by nature of being a submissive, but sometimes things are forgotten or overlooked and punishment becomes reinforcement. 

Do dominants enjoy punishing their submissive?  Now before you answer, please remember that I’m not talking about pleasure punishment.  I’m not taking about caning or spanking or flogging or any action that excites the other person or causes pleasure pain. I’m talking about an action that is unpleasant to the submissive. 

I personally do not like punishing Angel. Thankfully she doesn’t need it often but it’s not an enjoyable action for me. So this is where the topic comes from. Who does it hurt more?  Every time I punish Angel I always think to myself: This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you. 

There isn’t much of a point or lesson to this post other than its interesting and I would like to hear what others think. 

Communication

You know, surprisingly I have trouble with this. Communication is one of the most important elements of a relationship, however there are a lot of days I really struggle with this, much to the chagrin of Angel.  You see, it’s not that I don’t want to talk with her, it’s just that I struggle with keeping my brain active some evenings. 

I am a manager of an IT department for a world-wide company. All day, every day I have people constantly feeding me input and wanting some type or output. Everything from the staus of networks and systems, to customers complaining about things not working, to bosses wanting the latest staus on projects, to me managing audits and running the day to day operations of my department.  Phone calls, emails, video conferences, face to face conferences…my whole day consists of this. 

When I leave for the day, I relish the quiet. The time where I don’t have to think. Where I can let my brain shut down a bit and find the calm. Anyone who I text with knows that I’m about the worst when it comes to chatting and phone conversations. I don’t keep up well. Why?  My brain has shut down and doesn’t want input lol. 

Now to Angel. She works for the school system on a special needs bus. She lacks that input from other people for the most part. She doesn’t have the interaction I do. What that means is that when we are home together she is craving that social interaction. Let’s add to this that she is a very social person and I’m not so much. 

Now, my loyal followers, all is not lost. We have communication between us and it comes in a variety of ways. We have a private blog. We have texting. Email. And verbal. I know communication is important. Even more so for us because of not only our marriage, but also our D/s and the simple fact that Angel craves it. Yes I still struggle every day but I keep in mind that it’s important to her and to our well being. 

Some days…

Some days I just sit back and marvel at the relationship I’m in. It’s been quite a journey to get here and it’s a journey that’s not complete yet. One of the lessons learned along the way is that a relationship must always be worked on or we get complacent and it causes problems. 

I have learned a lot along the way from many good people. I have learned a lot about myself. And a lot about Angel. 

Angel is truly an amazing person. She has all the qualities I want in a wife, mate and submissive. She works so hard to make sure I am taken care of and to make sure she completes all her tasks to the best of her ability. She wants nothing but to please me. Wants to be the perfect wife, baby girl, slave, slut…everything I want. 

I am a lucky daddy to have found her. To be able to train her. Love her. Fuck her.  And most of all…call her mine. 

The Curse of Being a Fixer

Hello. You all know me. I am a fixer.

What does that mean? Let me tell you…

A colleague comes to me with a broken computer, I try and fix it.

A child comes to me with a broken toy, I try and fix it.

A friend comes to me with a problem, I try and fix it.

If Angel comes to me with a hurt, I try and fix it.

It’s who I am. I don’t like things to be wrong. I like everything in its place, in working order with everyone happy.

That’s my fantasy world. Now comes real life.

Angel comes to me sometimes and tells me about things that are bothering her. I listen to her and when she is done, I try and figure out a way to fix the problem. To make the hurt go away. To make everything all better.

Again, back to real life. Not everything can or needs to be fixed. Problem is that I have issues separating what does and doesn’t. You see, I have a hard time seeing things bother her and not take action. And when I don’t know what action to take it frustrates me.

I try and do better. I try to listen without action. It’s hard.

Hello. I’m daddy and I am a fixer.

Slow start to the New Year

So far this new year isn’t shaping up great. It’s only January 4th and Baby Girl and myself have been fighting the stomach flu that is going around. We have both been down and out since Friday which means no play. To make matters worse I leave today for a business trip. Ugh.

I hope everyone else has been having a good New Years so far. When I get back I plan to make up for lost time hehe.