Angel and I don’t play around too much outside of us. We had a couple that we would used to play around with from time to time, but that ended recently because they made things too difficult to enjoy. They were a couple that liked to think they were the ideal couple to portray the lifestyle. I should also clarify that when I say lifestyle, I mean swinging or swapping as they are not a D/s couple.
Angel and I have been looking for another couple for a while and ideally we would love to find a couple that we can be friends with outside of the bedroom as well as in it. A couple we can hang out with, go to dinner, sit around a fire, bullshit, that sort of thing. If it leads to a sexy night, great! If not, no big deal, we got to hang with friends. Doesn’t seem to hard, does it? Apparently its a lot more difficult than I would thought.
Communication is they key to all relationships. Honesty the lock. What does that mean? Honesty holds the relationship together, but communication is the key to unlock it, to finding the honest truth of who you are, what you want, needs, etc. Communication is fantastic, but without honest communication, everything unravels anyway. This is just as important in a play relationship. You need to be honest about what you are actually looking for, what you want, how you want it to be, what your limits are, hard stops, etc. Once all of those things are honestly communicated and put out on the table, people can really decide if the relationship is what they want. And yes, it’s all a relationship, even strictly play partners.
I had a play partner who I was a booty call for. The problem became, that while I was a booty call that she called when it was convenient for her, if I came calling because I wanted to meet up, this was a terrible thing and I was portrayed as desperate. Well, I have no issues being a booty call, but the issue came in that she was not honest about things. Let me know what your expectations are. What you want, don’t want, how you expect things, and then I can decide if that’s for me. In this instance I decided that’s not what I was looking for so ended that. Yeah I know, what guy is going to turn that down. Well in my instance, I get all the sex I need…it’s not about that so for me it doesn’t work. I’m also a guy that likes to be in control, so in this instance, I didn’t have the control so it was not for me.
Even in the D/s lifestyle, when you are looking for that submissive or dom, honest communication is the key. If you have ever read Vile’s blog, you have probably read his stories about him looking for his slave before he met Arianna. He would bluntly put out there what he wanted. He wanted A, B, C, D. If they wanted A, B, D but not C, well then they weren’t for him. He wasn’t willing to settle because he knew it wouldn’t make him happy in the long run. Honest communication leads to happy. (Vile, I certainly hope that you don’t mind that I used you as an example)
Finding that good relationship is not easy. Vanilla, swinging, D/s…in all those lifestyles people are constantly searching for what meets their desires. Finding someone that meets your desires is hard enough, but finding someone whose desires you also meet makes it twice as tough. But remember my friends, honest communication.