This topic is one that is interesting to me. We’ve all heard parents say: “This is going to hurt me more than it does you.” Have we ever stopped to think about this from a DS perspective?
Punishment is a necessary function within a DS relationship. It provides structure by giving consequences to a submissive for breaking a rule or not doing what is supposed to be done. A submissive should want to follow the Doms lead just by nature of being a submissive, but sometimes things are forgotten or overlooked and punishment becomes reinforcement.
Do dominants enjoy punishing their submissive? Now before you answer, please remember that I’m not talking about pleasure punishment. I’m not taking about caning or spanking or flogging or any action that excites the other person or causes pleasure pain. I’m talking about an action that is unpleasant to the submissive.
I personally do not like punishing Angel. Thankfully she doesn’t need it often but it’s not an enjoyable action for me. So this is where the topic comes from. Who does it hurt more? Every time I punish Angel I always think to myself: This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you.
There isn’t much of a point or lesson to this post other than its interesting and I would like to hear what others think.
You know, surprisingly I have trouble with this. Communication is one of the most important elements of a relationship, however there are a lot of days I really struggle with this, much to the chagrin of Angel. You see, it’s not that I don’t want to talk with her, it’s just that I struggle with keeping my brain active some evenings.
I am a manager of an IT department for a world-wide company. All day, every day I have people constantly feeding me input and wanting some type or output. Everything from the staus of networks and systems, to customers complaining about things not working, to bosses wanting the latest staus on projects, to me managing audits and running the day to day operations of my department. Phone calls, emails, video conferences, face to face conferences…my whole day consists of this.
When I leave for the day, I relish the quiet. The time where I don’t have to think. Where I can let my brain shut down a bit and find the calm. Anyone who I text with knows that I’m about the worst when it comes to chatting and phone conversations. I don’t keep up well. Why? My brain has shut down and doesn’t want input lol.
Now to Angel. She works for the school system on a special needs bus. She lacks that input from other people for the most part. She doesn’t have the interaction I do. What that means is that when we are home together she is craving that social interaction. Let’s add to this that she is a very social person and I’m not so much.
Now, my loyal followers, all is not lost. We have communication between us and it comes in a variety of ways. We have a private blog. We have texting. Email. And verbal. I know communication is important. Even more so for us because of not only our marriage, but also our D/s and the simple fact that Angel craves it. Yes I still struggle every day but I keep in mind that it’s important to her and to our well being.
Some days I just sit back and marvel at the relationship I’m in. It’s been quite a journey to get here and it’s a journey that’s not complete yet. One of the lessons learned along the way is that a relationship must always be worked on or we get complacent and it causes problems.
I have learned a lot along the way from many good people. I have learned a lot about myself. And a lot about Angel.
Angel is truly an amazing person. She has all the qualities I want in a wife, mate and submissive. She works so hard to make sure I am taken care of and to make sure she completes all her tasks to the best of her ability. She wants nothing but to please me. Wants to be the perfect wife, baby girl, slave, slut…everything I want.
I am a lucky daddy to have found her. To be able to train her. Love her. Fuck her. And most of all…call her mine.
Hello. You all know me. I am a fixer.
What does that mean? Let me tell you…
A colleague comes to me with a broken computer, I try and fix it.
A child comes to me with a broken toy, I try and fix it.
A friend comes to me with a problem, I try and fix it.
If Angel comes to me with a hurt, I try and fix it.
It’s who I am. I don’t like things to be wrong. I like everything in its place, in working order with everyone happy.
That’s my fantasy world. Now comes real life.
Angel comes to me sometimes and tells me about things that are bothering her. I listen to her and when she is done, I try and figure out a way to fix the problem. To make the hurt go away. To make everything all better.
Again, back to real life. Not everything can or needs to be fixed. Problem is that I have issues separating what does and doesn’t. You see, I have a hard time seeing things bother her and not take action. And when I don’t know what action to take it frustrates me.
I try and do better. I try to listen without action. It’s hard.
Hello. I’m daddy and I am a fixer.
So far this new year isn’t shaping up great. It’s only January 4th and Baby Girl and myself have been fighting the stomach flu that is going around. We have both been down and out since Friday which means no play. To make matters worse I leave today for a business trip. Ugh.
I hope everyone else has been having a good New Years so far. When I get back I plan to make up for lost time hehe.
I came across this article the other day and after I read it, it really struck home how my DS relationship with my baby girl really has made us stronger. I want to analyze the 5 points and talk about how DS helps avoid those pitfalls, but first, let me share the article so you can read it.
Let’s look at this one by one:
1. Living outside of what you can afford
This to me almost sem like a no-brainer, however, let’s look. I do know some women out there who seem to like to spend money like it’s their business and never check with their husbands. Jewelry, luxuries, clothes, etc.
In our DS relationship, permission is always asked before she may buy anything, with the only exception being groceries and prescriptions. Baby Girl is a rather thrifty woman anyway, but this allows me to keep track of what is being spent to make sure it is not over budget.
2. Constant negativity
Yes, a lot of women like to bitch. Sorry ladies but it’s true. Not that I’m always against it, but sometimes I just am tired. With our DS, it gives Baby Girl something to focus on. Me. That tends to take away the negativity for her and there isn’t anything to fix because our relationship puts the positive in her life.
3. Putting everything else first
I have many friends who are not living the DS life and I see some of the problems they have. Some of their complaints. A few of my friends talk to me about how their wives don’t do anything for them…even when they so a lot of things for their wives. Life is full of distractions. Kids, jobs, etc. Ever hear about how a couple says they’ve grown apart? Yeah. This is why.
In our relationship, Baby Girl can’t do that. If she did, there would be no DS. I come first to her as her Daddy. She is always striving to make sure that I have what I need. I get served food before anyone. She makes sure I’m well taken care of. The funny thing is, that even though we have kids, it doesn’t leave them behind. Part of her duties of putting me first involves taking care of the kids when they need something. That is still serving me.
4. Withholding physical affection
Ahhhh. The common complaint in the marriages of ALL my friends lol. You ladies are just too tired. Or not feeling well. Or have a headache. Or any other of a hundred reasons why you are not in the mood to have sex with you man. Truth to tell, that gets tiresome to hear. Yes, it used to be the same in our marriage. Guess what? It also makes your man feel bad. Not wanted. Not desirable so he may just stop asking.
Now, in our relationship, this is no longer allowed. She is no longer in charge of being able to say yes or no. Now, this is not to say that I’m not tuned in to her needs and if she’s really not feeling well I make her have sex anyway. I’ve basically taken away her opportunity to find an excuse to say no. While on the outside this may seem mean, it has does wonder for our relationship and marriage. She is happier. I am happier.
5. Not speaking his language
Women drop hints and are subtle. Men say what they mean. Men usually do not look for the subtleties of what you are trying to tell him, but you still do that anyway…and get upset when we don’t figure it out.
No longer allowed in our relationship. She has many ways to communicate and they are all direct communication. Mostly there is just no arguing. She takes my lead and follows what I do. There are rules. There are protocols. There are things she is expected to do and that focuses her. When she does need to communicate she does so directly and when I ask her a question, she is expected to give me a direct, honest answer. That makes problem solving so much easier for us both.
As I lay back on the chaise lounger at the foot of the bed, you slowly kneel down next to me. You have your collar on with one end of the leash hooked to it. The other end rests in my hand. The feeling of control is overwhelming and fills me with a sense of need and satisfaction.
I turn on the TV and put on something mindless. Truthfully the program isn’t necessary. It’s just a distraction for the moment while I enjoy the beauty of you next to me. I watch you out of the corner of my eye and admire the perfectness of you as you kneel naked next to me. The curves of your body are beauty in flesh. Your form a work of art that is priceless.
I marvel at every moment you are near, wondering how and why you are mine. You serve my every need in exchange for my protection. You satisfy my every desire in exchange for leadership. Our hearts sing as one.
Reaching over, I softly caress your skin. I can’t go without your touch but you wait patiently for my command. Only wishing to do as I ask. Such an angel! Sent from heaven to be the perfect baby girl for me.
Gently pulling your leash as I stand up, I guide you up onto the lounger. I must have you. Have you satisfy the animal hunger that is overwhelming me. Everything else is lost to the background as I descend upon you and my desire takes over.
Winter slowly descends upon us and as the leaves slowly change color and proudly display their glorious mantle, we are reminded that the cold weather is upon us. Days have become cooler and the nights crisp, but this is just the weather I love.
Bedroom windows wide open to let the chilly air swirl around. It’s almost cold enough to see your breath in the predawn light. There is no complaining here…well, as long as I don’t have to get up.
I’m sure most of you are shivering thinking about the cold but I love it. Especially for sleeping. There is no better way to sleep than being snuggled under the comforter with my Baby Girl. Warming each other with our bodies. Hands touching flesh. Mmmm.
Is it bedtime yet?
I don’t write very many posts but this is a topic that weighs on me.
DS really first came to light to me from Baby Girl who has always been submissive but I wasn’t really aware of what it was. She introduced me to twitter where there was a whole community of DS folks who “talked the talk and walked the walk”. Yes, that was in quotes for a reason.
We both tried the online DS, both with each other and with others. Eventually we found we wanted more and migrated back to each other and struggled to find where we fit in. We tried to make us fit into a mold, but the more we read and the more we experimented we found that there is no true mold.
Ds is what you make of it. I think it’s very similar to classifying plants and animals. Yes, humans are animals, however we are far different from fish. You can classify a couple as DD/bg but all couples are different and like different things, live different with different rules.
The clue in all that, is that we LIVE it.
Let me explain:
Twitter, in most respects, is a fantasy world. People live within the profile and persona that they have created. They can be whoever and whatever they want to be because they are safely tucked away behind their phones or computers.
Early on I began to realize that people were fake…especially those who called themselves doms. Now, again, doms are all different but it seemed doms on twitter would pickup and drop subs like they were setting their fantasy football team. It was crazy. Never seeming to care who they hurt while they played their little game to get the rush of power or the thrill of a naked pic.
Amazingly, there is a mass amount of women on Twitter who call themselves submissive and are searching for their dream dom. Some are single but a vast majority of them are married that are looking for escape from a marriage that they are bored in or are just looking for a little excitement. Frankly, I also believe the vast majority of the doms out there are also married and looking for a quick thrill.
Where is all of this going…oh yes. How we, myself and my Baby girl, live. Unlike these people on twitter, we live our DS 24/7. Twitter people can put their phone down and take a break. We never do. It’s how we choose to live our lives. I just don’t think that all these other people who are living in the fantasy world actually realize what it’s like.
We have also found out recently that they also like discard “friends” like it’s trash they no longer use. Why? Because they can. They are who they want to be, hiding in their fantasy world.
Vile has spoken many times of the dangers of doms out there. ( thekinkyworldofvile.wordpress.com) I’m convinced that many of them are married men, even if they are saying different, looking for the thrill of control and the nude photos their get. Not one of them having the idea of what living a real DS takes.
Baby Girl has been hurt more than once by a poser on twitter who no longer cared for her friendship because she chose to speak her mind for what she believes and call people out for their fake attitudes. Damn all of them.
Go hide in your fantasy world. I choose to live my dream.