I hate when there is miscommunication. It leads to hurt feelings, tones, short responses, and a break down even if little in everything. I hate the ripple effect as well. The kids faces. The silence. The look on His face. I hate it all. I try but sometimes fail at just breathing and letting it go. Today I failed. I hate that I hurt the kids and Daddy. But j have apologized and hopefully the rest of the travel day will be ok.
I always love vacation. I love the time away. I love the time spent with the family. I love that we don’t have phones out during that time.
We are blessed and we could afford to take the kids on a cruise. We took my youngest to a sea turtle farm. She absolutely was in heaven. Sea turtles are her favorite animals. It was so fun to see her smile. To see the light in her eyes. We saw turtles that were all ages. We were able to hold them. She was able to get in a pool and touch them and hold them. She was so excited. The joy in her eyes. In her face it was amazing to see. It was a blessing to see. There was also a salt water swim area she was able to snorkel and follow them around. It was so cool. I do believe she has found her job as an adult.
We told the kids that we only require them to eat dinner with us, out side of the excursions we had planned. The ship has a club for kids. I was surprised that on more than one occasion the kids chose to be with us. They went to an art auction with us. They ate lunch with us several times. And breakfast. The time with them with no interruptions was so precious. They open up and talk about everything. There were many, many, many laughs.
The dinners were always so fun. Great food. Great service. Dinner shows. On the formal nights we took pictures. That is always fun. Plus it is fun to dress up.
We went on this amazing 6 hour excursion that was half a river tour and half a ruin tour. The river part was so cool. We went threw a manatee preservation area. The water wasn’t as blue as is it in other places but we did see several. For those of you who know me best know that manatees are my favorite. I was in heaven. Then we went on down the river. We had a spotter on the boat. His name was Floyd. He was great at his job. We were able to see monkeys, bats, iguanas, vultures. Our tour guide Samone was so good as well. She had so much to share. Then we had lunch and we got on a bus and went to the Myan ruins. She told us about the history there. The kids and Daddy hiked up to the top of one. I chose to sit and wait. But the pictures they took were amazing.
We docked one day at Mahogny Bay. It was a beautiful beach. Quiet. Clean. Blue water. We were blessed to witness a wedding. But we also witnessed life saving cpr that we were told ended in a death. It was sad to watch. The person had been snorkeling but we aren’t sure what happened. I felt bad for the family and for the people who were able to do cpr.
At our last docking place we chose to just walk around and shop. It was fun to see what the kids liked and all the different things in the shops. Because many went on excursions we had the ship to ourselves really so we had lunch and went swimming.
As we are sailing back everyone is sad but I have mixed feelings. I enjoying living in a world of no work but I miss my schedule. My bed. Lol. We have learned that tiny house living would not be for us. The four of us in a room with bunk beds and a double size bed. It’s been good but a little more room would be good. Lol.
I have enjoyed being disconnected but I do miss my friends. It’s been fun seeing the kids make friendships. Hopefully they will have them for a long time. (I think social media makes that possible now)
This was the relaxation we all needed. I feel recharged and ready to face the real world again.
I used to think being fragile was bad. That showing my emotions made me hard to deal with. I became a master at stuffing things away. I learned to keep things to myself and just deal with what came my way.
When I met Daddy I was living this lie. When I realized He was staying. That He loved me and wanted to build a life with me I felt there was no way I was going to take a chance and open up. Who would want the mess in my head.
In the last two years I am pretty sure I had some form of a nervous break down. I have since been in therapy and learned it is ok to speak my kind. That my feelings don’t have to mirror everyone else’s. That I am entitled to how I feel and that I don’t have to bend to Agee with everyone else. (I can express myself nicely however )
I have found that Daddy didn’t run away. He has stayed. He has healed me. He has shown me true love and truly accepts me for who I am.
Being fragile is part of who I am. I am emotional. I am sensitive. I have been broken and glued back together. But through it all He has been by my side. Never gave up on me.