Please forgive me 

Have you ever had that moment of “ahhhh now I get it!” ? 
I think I have reached that now. Yes I lost my way. Yes I invited the devil into our home. Yes that ended badly and I lost a child to the devil. 
I have mourned the loss of a child. It is a loss. She hates me. She doesn’t want to be apart of our family. 
I have cried with my youngest. I see the pain she is in. I hate to see it. All caused by the selfishness of others. Myself included. 
I have been in therapy. I have had to learn new ways to love myself. To forgive myself. 
I have asked for forgiveness from the love of my life. 
That is what I am doing now. One last time. Please forgive me for being selfish. Please forgive me for not being able to let things go. Let things be. Please forgive me for my short temper and harsh words. 
I love you and our family with all my heart. I want our happy. Our peace. Our calm we had before. I will do anything to get back to that place. 
I’m done. The past is in the past. No more thinking about it. No more dwelling. 
I need to focus on the future and us. I can’t move forward if I keep reading the past. 
I love you. 

Inspired post. 

This was inspired by Missameliaandsir

Thank you for sharing yours this morning. 

Shame on you for pretending all the time. 
Shame on you for not being honest. 
Shame on you for hurting so many people in your wake. 
Shame on you for bad mouthing those that help you. 
Shame on you for tearing a family apart and being proud of what you have done. 
Shame on you for never letting anyone in. 
Shame on you for just being what you think everyone wants to see 
Shame on you for using everyone that comes into your life. 
It’s not all your fault though. 
Shame on me for being blind to your user ways. 
Shame on me for not listening to others when they warned me about you. 
Shame on me for giving you more than one chance. 
Shame on me for allowing you into my heart. My home. My family. 
I have learned. I will not make that mistake again. 
Now all I can say is…..
Shame on you for not being the mother your little one deserves. 
Shame on you for always putting your desires first. 
Shame on you for providing just barely enough for your son. 
Shame on you for putting your addictions before him. 
I pray for your son everyday. He will need all the help he can get. 


The little things 


It’s the little things. A song. The sunny afternoon. A smile. A hug. Flowers. Cooking or cleaning for someone. 
The last 3 week have been off for me. I was sick then my back went out on me. No reason just had an attitude. 
I am so thankful for my bubble. My youngest took care of Daddy and I when we were sick. And she kept the house up. 
Then this week Daddy has cooked dinner and cleaned since I wasn’t able to stand at the end of the day. 
My son has been there with a hug or a joke when I needed it. 
I truly am thankful for them. For the unconditional love they show everyday. The the peace and happiness they bring into my life. I would be lost with out them. 
As I sit here in the car waiting for my daughter. (In a meeting) the sun is shinning and it’s our Friday and I’m so excited to have the weekend with them coming up. We decided to stay home for the holiday and I think it was the right decision for us right now. Life is busy and taking time to just breathe and enjoy the little things is important.