“Sometimes things come out of your mouth that you regret later on. Or no, not regret. You say something so razor-sharp that the person you say it to carries it around with them for the rest of their life. – Herman Koch”
As I read this poem my thoughts went to the past year. It has been one of the worst ever. I am in a better place now. It makes me sad that there were horrible things said to me by my daughter and by her abusive boyfriend. They have not been given a second thought. She continues to say hurtful things. I try to smile and move on and pretend that they don’t hurt but they do. They add to the scars she has already placed on my skin.
I have learned that in loving a child some times you have to walk away. Some times your love isn’t right for them and the more you try the more harm it brings. So I love from a distance. I love from behind the wall so she can’t hit me directly with the stones she is throwing.
The other pain I feel is watching how her words hurt and tear down her sister. Having my youngest come to me in tears because her sister (5 years difference in age) has said hurtful things to her for no reason. To have to comfort my youngest and tell her that I don’t know why her sister is like that. Then to hear the indifference my oldest has when she is told that the way she expressed herself made her sister cry.
I will never understand hurting someone just because you have the right to your opinion.
I will never understand hurting someone just because you think you’re an adult and can say whatever you wish.
Your words have consequences. Some times they are more than you realize.
Today I am most thankful that I have made it through hell and I am standing on the other side. I am thankful for Daddy and all His guidance, love, compassion. Without Him I would be lost. I am thankful for my kids that are home with us. They bring such happiness into my life. They have shown me what true unconditional love is.