Good morning Daddy 

  

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Daddy  I’m sorry. 

  

This Daddy. You are my heart and soul. My whole world. 

I know I’m emotional. I know I’m cranky right now. I’m going through something I’m not sure about. I fighting feelings of hiding. Curling up in a ball and just crying. 

Daddy I’m struggling not with us. Not with being your baby girl. But my heart. The ache. The pain. It’s almost too much. I feel I can breathe. But I also feel I have lost part of me. I know that I can now deal with that loss. Know she is ok and in a good place but deal with that loss. 

I love you. I’m sorry. I am yours. Always. 

Trying 

  This is where I feel safe. Where I feel happy. Where I feel like I am right. 

It’s been a rough couple of years here on out home. For the most part I have put a smile on my face and tried to push the feelings down. We all know that never works. We have been able to make a life changing change for my oldest. All I can hope and pray for now is that she will learn who she is. Learn what her voice sounds like again. Learn to be happy for her again. 

With this change I have felt relief. I can breathe again. Yes I still worry but because we were able to enlist help I know my level of worry is different. There has been a drop in my stress level. There has been a drop in a “wall” so to speak. 

I feel very exposed. Very open and left for others to hurt. I know where my safety is.  I know where my place is. Where my comfort comes from. And I am thankful for this place every day.