A mothers broken heart

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A Mother’s Heart ache

18 years 5 months ago I gave birth to the most amazing, beautiful, perfect baby girl. She was amazing. I could not believe we made her. We have the honor to raise her. I was so much fun to watch her at every milestone. The first time she rolled over. The first time she stood up. Her first step. Her first word. Her first day of school. Oh my, not ready for that!!!

Fast forward to 8. She is suffering from migraines. The doctors are not sure why. You take her to every doctor you can think of. The questions start…….why is my baby girl going through this.  We get to age 12 and now her body is suffering. Pain everywhere. No real reason why.  Again you take her to every doctor you can. You do research on your own. You watch as your 12 year old is x-rayed, have several MRIs, several cat scans. Things that a 12 year old should not go through. It takes 2 years….finally a diagnosis. Fibromyalgia. What???? Really!!!!???

You start all the research you can. What can we do? You try medications. You try diet. You try everything you can think of. She finishes her Jr high school time with half days. She cannot sit in call for too long. The pain meds she is on make her tired. So she alternates morning and afternoon. You finally fell like you have found a great combo. Medication, chiropractor, no strenuous activity. That last one is total poop for a teenager.

She starts high school. You visit the school and ask how to make her high career as low pain as possible. The school works with you. Attendance wise and books in the class room. The teachers are understanding and they work with you. You let her participate in marching band. She is on the flag line. She is talented and a beautiful dancer and performer. Some performances are incredibly hard on her. She ends up in bed and sleeping the next day.

You do all you can to make her comfortable. Fast forward and OMG!!!! Graduation!!!! Yes!!! But what most don’t know is that she has been fighting a huge demon.  One that has beat the strongest people. She is cutting and has thought about and tried suicide. Thankfully unsuccessfully. We get to that amazing day!!! You get watch her walk across that stage and receive her diploma.

Now during the last year of high school her parents opened their hearts, home and family to a woman who claimed to be abused. Who claimed to need help. Who claimed to love her parents? She moved in with her little boy. For the most part it was a peaceful time but it was not long (maybe 30 days) before the tantrums from an adult woman started. We should have known after the first one that it would end badly and she had to go. But we thought after we talked to her and calmed her down that she would be ok. We were wrong. She was and is an amazing manipulator. When she realized that her desire to tear a marriage apart was not going to work she threw yet another tantrum. (Her 10th at least). Now my health from stress is being affected. My youngest daughter is stressed and needs help. So for the health and wellbeing of my family we tell her she has to find a place. We try to help but of course she freaks out and leaves hastily. All we asked was no contact with our kids.

My oldest starts college.  Secretly communicates with the woman.  Then that hated day!!!! She turns 18 and now I cannot do anything to protect her because she is an “adult”. She chooses to listen to the boyfriend and the woman.  As a result they lie. They manipulate and they break hearts.

Here I sit on one of the most heart wrenching nights of my 18 years and 5 months with this amazing young lady.  She has walked away from her family. Lied to her parents. Left her sister in tears. Chosen the boyfriend and this horrible woman over the people who have loved, cared for her, fought for her for years.

Everyone says she will be back. She will see the mistake she has made. She will see the horrible woman for the manipulator and user that she is. I am just not sure how long it will take for her to see it. All her father and I can do is pray, hope and wait for that time to come. With a broken heart and a broken family we wait. AND IT SUCKS!!!!!

I want her to know we love her!!!!! We want what is best for her!!!!!!

50 Shades of Offended!

That you for writing this. I’m often offended by people saying I must not have a brain or can’t think for myself. It’s just the opposite. Yes I read the books and yes they are total fiction. That’s not how the relationship works. It’s much deeper. Hard work. But totally worth it.

Draco's Journal

From the title, you can probably tell what this post is going to be about…

As the release of 50 Shades of Grey draws ever closer (Feb 13 here in the UK), I’ve been seeing a lot of things flying around on Tumblr. Some of it positive and some of it not so.

One such thing saying, ‘Abuse dressed as Romance’ and other words to the same end.

It was most probably done by someone who isn’t familiar with the lifestyle and therefore should be taken with a pinch of salt.

But having said that, as much as the whole S&M thing might offend some people’s sensibilities or whatever, being referred to as an abuser for having a different outlook than vanilla people, offends me too!

I have NEVER, nor will I EVER be abusive to anyone, least of all the submissive I love and cherish above all others!

People again, are judging a book…

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Day 23 (30 days submission)

Is there anything about submission (yours or what you see in others) that you question, dislike or repels you?
Was there a time you questioned or were resistant to your own submissive feelings?

I have to say that Daddy and I love the do not judge rule. We would not want anyone to judge our Ds. We live so it works for us. Not so it will work or sit well with others.

In our own Ds there really isn’t anything that I am uncomfortable with. We may talk about new things and then I think about them and we talk again but I am willing to try just about anything twice. And yes I say twice because the first time it’s too new to know if you like it or not. You need that second time to really know.

Day 22 (30 days of submission)

Can you feel submissive without a dominant partner? If so, how does your submission express itself? If not, how do you handle your submission or submissive feelings?

I can feel submissive. It is who I am. However I am not sure I would be a very well put together person if I didn’t have a Dominate partner.

It doesn’t take but a few days of a business trip for Daddy and I am a mess. It is getting better but I need that person there to serve. To take care of. To love. To worship as He needs.

I tend to feel lost and then I start to panic when I am unable to serve like I need to. But I am learning to do better.

Thankfully I have a dominate partner and I can serve like I should.

Day 21 (30 days of submission)

Is there a physical position that makes you feel most submissive?

I love this question. There are several. My presentation pose.

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This is so exposing. And I love that my hands are up and open. Showing complete turn over of power.

I love being at his feet.

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Ether kneeling or like this picture. I feel safe at his feet.

For our nightly ritual I lay between his legs so that my head is on his cock. Where I can worship Him.

This is also a good place to be. I feel safe. Loved cared for and owned.

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Anniversary

ANNIE'S MUSE

Anniversary

Today is the day when

I freed myself…

my heart…

my soul…

from the weight of

the world that was

slowly killing me

Three years ago today…

My Anniversary of

Individual…

Independent…

Personal…

Rebirth

On this day

Dr. Cupp taught me

my greatest lesson

in life

There will be people

who we just cannot

have in our life

The toxic ones…

Emotional vampires…

Killers of our souls…

Nothing we can do

will help them…

Make things right…

So…

We have to let

Rome Burn so

we cleanse ourselves

of those people and

their relationships

that slowly kill

us on the inside…

Copyright © 2014 Annie – Original Poetry
Always…I wish you peace, joy and happiness, but most of all I wish you Love.
As Ever, Annie

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