I love you Daddy.
Angel I have to say that I have felt this so many times.
Will this go away?
Can he really handle all of me?
He is so stressed right now, how will he be able to take care of me when he needs to be lifted up?
It’s a battle everyday for me to not retreat into myself and just run away. I know I can protect myself. I know I can take over and get everything taken care of. But do I want to go back to that? Was I happy then? Was he happy then? Is it what is best for the family?
Some days I feel I am running in fumes and I will barely make it till he gets home. Other days I feel I have so much happiness in my heart I have some to spare. Some times, like today I wake up on empty and I worry how I will make it through the day?
I feel like this dynamic will disappear into thin air sometimes. Like those first few years of hot passion, this will become old news and it will evaporate slowly like mist burning off. So slowly that you only realize it’s magic is gone when it is too late to capture.
I’m scared that we will eventually take advantage of each other in the busyness of our lives and forget the lessons learned in the last six months. Lessons of honesty, listening, priorities, and trust. I worry any time Mr. HH forgets something that we have agreed upon that I will become background noise in his life soon. I’m afraid of becoming invisible again. I worry that I will retreat to the safe place of hiding my heart. I worry that my intense love for him will become commonplace and I will lose my place in his life.
This concern creeps…
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I saw this picture this morning and it hit me. This so what Daddy is trying to do. Help me see what He sees.
I know I am not a skinny Minnie. 3 kids and several years of depression have made me a curvy woman. But in the past 3 years I have been working hard in it and I have lost right around 80 pounds. I would love to lose more but I’m not sure how Daddy feels about that.
Anyways, Daddy asked for pictures this morning when I asked if I could shower. I sent Him 2 pictures and He said “absolutely gorgeous”. I always giggle when He says that. I just don’t see it. I see the things I want to change.
I have been trying to see what Daddy sees. What is Daddy so attracted to? The cute girl from 20 years ago is gone. So what is that He sees now?
I am thankful everyday that He sees whatever it is. I am trying. Thank you for being patient Daddy and trying to show me. ❤️❤️
Here we are. It’s only Wednesday morning and I’m already wishing the week was over. This has been a very tough week for myself and Baby Girl. Before you ask, no, we are not fighting. I have been working late at work part of last week and so far this week. In to work early, home from work late. Well, that doesn’t leave much time to spend with Baby Girl. That is really grating on her well being and mine. I know she is suffering. I can see it on her face and in her eyes. She is a trooper though. She is trying to put on a strong front. I am trying to squeeze every moment I can when I’m home but it is so hard when I’m so exhausted.
That’s one thing that I do love about her. She is always thinking of me. She knows how tired I am. She knows how much stress I’m under and tries so hard to not add to that. She puts on her brave little girl face and goes about her day.
Patience Baby Girl. I will make it all up to you with hugs and snuggles. Kisses and fucks. Make you feel like a princess and the special girl that you are.
I love you Baby Girl.